Strange fruit

I had a `Sharon fruit` - it was revolting....

I love my friend...Doc`s tommorrow

S x

Favourite Lyrics.....

A selection of bits of songs that are beautiful...

`...he lives by the sea,
the sea gives him everything,
he`s ever dreamt about....`

Nocturne IV - Billy Mackenzie (lovely phrasing..:)

`Sanctuary, sanctuary
All i want is some peace of mind for us baby
We can never let go
of the dreams that keep us together
Making sense in a world
where possessions maketh the man
and ambitions bloodthirsty hand
keeps the pressure on you...`

Sanctuary - Dr.Robert

`...I wish i was invisible
So i could climb through the telephone
When it hurts my ear
And it hurts my brain
And it makes me feel too much (too much!)
Dont cut me down
When i`m talking to you
`cause i`m much too tall
To feel that small...yeah
Love is a temple
Love is a shrine
Love is pure
And love is blind
Love is a religious sign
Im` gonna leave this love behind
Love is hot and love is cold
I`ve been bought and i`ve been sold
Love is rock and love is roll
I just want someone to hold

You have placed a chill in my heart...`

Eurythmics - SUBLIME :)

`There`s something i gotta say
Can`t wait til tommorrow
A whispher still beneath my breath
You know it`s hard to swallow
I follow you inside my mind
The neighbourhood`s no stranger
Loving you can be sublime
But it`s all wrapped up in danger

Give me time
Been around the world trying to find myself
And i`m not gonna go with someone else
Give me time
Been around the world trying to find myself
But i`m not gonna go with someone else
Give me time

Come on and be mine, come on and be mine
Been around the world trying to find myself
And i`m not gonna go with someone else
Give me time, oh gimme time
There`s something that i gotta say
It can`t wait til tommorrow
Oh, give me time..`

Give me time - Billy Mackenzie

`...Yeah, the Trees
Those useless Trees
Produce the air that i am breathing
Yeah the trees
Those useless trees
They never said
That you were leaving....`

The Trees - Pulp


`I wanna have you
Cause you`re all i`ve got
Don`t wanna lose you
Cause it means alot
All the joy this world can bring
Doesn`t give me anything
When you`re not here

Idiot me
Stupid fool
How could be
So uncool
To fall in love with someone who
Doesn`t really care for you
It`s so obscure

But i feel
Wonderful
Yes i feel
Wonderful

(Come on)
God it makes me feel so blue
Everytime time i think about you
All of the heat of my desire
Smokin` like some crazy fire
Come on here
Look at me
Where i stand
Can`t you see my heart burnin`
In my hands
Do you want me
Do you not
Does it feel cold baby
Does it feel hot

I wanna hold you
And be so held back
Don`t wanna need you
But it`s where i`m at
Thinkin` bout you every day
How come i was made that way
It`s so surreal

But i feel
Wonderful
Yes i feel
Don`t you know i feel
Wonderful...`

Wonderful - Annie Lennox (describes itself, just wonderful!)

`I just got your message baby
So sad to see you fade away
What in the world is this feeling
To catch a breath and leave me reeling
It`ll get you in the end, it`s god`s revenge

Oh i know i should come clean
But i prefer to decieve
Everyday i walk alone
And pray that god won`t see me
I know it`s wrong
I know it`s wrong

Tell me why is it i`m digging your scene
I know i`ll die baby

They put you in a home to fill in
But i wouldn`t call that living
I`m like a boy among men
I`d like a permanent friend
I`d like to think i was just myself again

Why is it i`m digging your scene
I know i`ll die baby....`

Digging your scene - The Blow Monkeys (Prolly my favourite song...ever..)

I that is enough....

S x

Back to work...

Well it`s been an illness week - bah! I have had Tonsillitis yet again (WHEN will the crap NHS finally deem my throat important enough to have the fuckers removed - I hate my tonsils!). So spent most of the week indoors recuperating. Being ill is deathly dull and can bring me down so much - too much time to sit around and think.....
Had interview today, wasn`t so bad, dunno what i was panicking about really...then again i panic about everything!
But today has been a weird one, i have had a headache ALL day, didn`t want to take a painkiller in case in interferes with the antibiotics for my tonsils.. so i have grinned (not) and bared it. I have felt so weird today - listless and as if i am about to burst into tears all the day.
Went for a walk mid-evening, but Hounslow is such a dreary place that it only really made me feel worse.....
Why am i such a miserable bastard at times? I don`t always feel like this, in fact it is fairly rare. But when i am low, i am LOW...
Back to work after illness days off tommorrow...at least i`ll be occupied...god, that makes me sound like a public convenience!!

xx`s

Steve

Gloomy Sunday (Szomoru Vasarnap - excuse the bad spelling)

It`s wet and gloomy outside (why do i like the word `gloomy` so much?). I still don`t feel that well, throat is sore, headache slightly...o dear i am sooooo bad at being unwell. Partly due to the fact that it keeps me indoors, i like to get out of the flat daily to get some air if i am not working. But i feel i should stay in and rest...i force myself...
Didn`t go anywhere yesterday, apart from a brief run to the supermarket around the corner for the neccessaries. Chatted to friends on Msn msger off and on, watched a vid` with my flatmate later in the evening which was pleasant. Then drifted off to bed, actually slept pretty well for once! Though i had to take a pill to aid this, hey ho!
I have been reading off and on - `Seduced and abandoned ~ Essays on gay men and Pop music`by Richard Smith. It`s mostly interviews with various groups/bands etc cullled from articles in Gay Times from the 90`s. It`s quite a nice read and at times most interesting...

S x

Thigs i like (with aplogies to Victoria Wood)

I like the following -

Music (esp` scouting around dusty cd shops for rarities)
Reading
Sex (don`t get enough!)
Talking
Friends
Sad movies
Chatting on the net
Salad
Travelling
Nice people
People buying me flowers
Chest hair & other parts of the male body ;-)
Walking in nice places
Head massages
Sunglasses (for me to hide behind).....

to be continued.....

S x

I have a sore throat..... :-(

I have a sore throat :-(
So it looks like i am coming down with the cold my flatmate has had for the last few days - bah! I have been taking LOADS of vitamins/echinacea etc to try and avoid this. but to no avail obviously. O poo...
I HATE being unwell, i have the LOWEST tolerancy for pain in the western hemisphere and it can really bring me down....o well..
Legushka - has put some lovely pics of the indoor picnic he had last Sunday! They are very nice! I look almost human :-)

S x

Back to life...back to reality...erk!?!!

I feel i have been bad, not writing a THING for the last few days! An outrage indeed! Actually it`s been a fun few days really...a tad tiring, but nice...
So Cornelio has been over (as u will realise i collected him from Gatwick etc). He made/gave me lovely gifts of home burnt cd`s full of Annie/Pulp goodies which are all fab (cheers luv!)...we then met Legushka (a sweetie) and JC at Victoria and popped into Soho for a drinkie, which was most pleasant fun..haven`t been for ages! Though i do find `gayland` all a bit much at times, but very nice occassionally...
I worked next two days :( so not much to say about that! On the Saturday i worked with Nick who as always flirted outrageously with me...it`s his `game`, he`s a love really, but not my bag...
Met up with Legushka and Cornelio again Sat` afternoon for a couple of hours, though i was totally tired from work and not in the best of moods...Spent an outrageous amount of cash on some fab cd`s (my life!)....

ie...

ACT `Laughter, tears and rage -The anthology`
Goodbye Mr Mackenzie `Five`
Goodbye Mr Mackenzie `Hammer and tongs`
Dr.Robert `Realms of gold`

I LOVE cd shopping in Berwick st!! It rocks!

Sunday i (totally BLACKMAILED by Cornelio!), went to a party at legushka`s, which turned out to be a really nice event...met lots of cool people and had a nice time, though i was a bit scaredy of meeting so many people i didn`t know ALL at once...help!
Monday i met Cornelio at Kings X and we hung out and got yet more music. ...he seems to be my lucky charm as far as finding music thats hard to get hold of, hence these that i`ve been trying to find for ages -

Dear Janes `No skin`
Les rhythmn digitales `Darkdancer`

He also made me a lovely gift of the Eurythmics `We two are one` vid`, which is very good indeedy.... :)
Then we repaired back to my flat in deepest West london, chilled, ate...etc...and i sadly saw him onto the plane at Heathrow...aww bless...bye again!
Then i pretty much collasped from fatigue...coz i am ancient.
nice few days of jollity :)

i worked today...nuff` said!
And tommorrow i do `sleep in` which means i will not be back til Thursday afternoon - bah!
Work ruins ones social life!

tata

S x

Work is tiring.....bet u never knew that!

Just back from a NINE hr day at work during which my feet almost never touched the ground! I hardly sat down for a minute! So...guess, yes i am KNACKERED! But hey, i must go out to Ealing to meet Ali (over from India) and Mands. Probaly my two oldest pals. So its best foot forward...blah blah blah...
Tommorrow i can sleep in a bit anyway, only clothes washing to do really then off to meet Cornelio at Gatwick in the afternoon, which will be nice fun.
I have gone back in time musically having found an ancient tape of `Swing out sister`, forgot how much i liked `Breakout` and `Surrender` he he he....am i mad? No! Just bizarre.....

xx`s
S

Rain (etc), has finally stopped! what a weird weather day! Sztormy!
Chatted on Yahoo msger coz Msn msger went mad this evening and wouldn`t work for ages! C suggested downloading it again, i did and it worked finally...bloody technology sucks. Cheers C!
have to work from 9-6 tommorrow - o dear i am really HATING it at the moment! Still off on thursday (my 33rd birthday!!! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!). But Cornelio comes over then so it will be nice to see him and hang out together, at least i will be able to have an intelligent conversation with someone - god am i that much of a snob!?!
Cj has been emailing lots from New York too which is nice, he`s a love and tommorrow have to meet Alison. She is over from India for a few days (where she lives), one of my oldest friends - known since i was about 4!
God it sounds as if i am the worlds biggest socialite. Not really, too very often my phone(s) never rings (isn`t that an old Deacon Blue song?), i spend my evenings sat on me bed listening to music/reading/on laptop/whatever and wishing it would. I HATE my own company - he said cheerily!
Better go beddy-byes, have to be up for 7.00am

tata

S xx

Tuesday...wrote mr.Kipling...

It`s raining, raining, raining today..one of those strange, energetic days where the weather changes from minute to minute. Rain, sleet, hail, thunder - it`s all happening here!
I`m tired from `sleeping in` at work, only managed about 4 hours sleep on the teeny `put me up` bed in the office. we should get danger money sleeping on that thing! Can`t wait to start me new job next month, i unfortunately work with a couple of small minded bastards and the manager is power mad and a pain in the posterior! hey ho...
Saw BUSH on tv yesterday displaying characteristc arrogance (something i can`t abide!). a journalist was addressing him at a news conference on the escalating violent confronataions in Iraq and called him by the following term...`Excuse me Sir...` Bush gave him a withering look and said `Are you talking to me?` Apparently the President must ALWAYS be addressed as `Mr. President`....just shows the arrogance of the man and amid all the problems of the world at the moment....none of which have been particularly helped by his actions....what he really stands for.....I find him scary and dangerous......
At least Blogger is now behaving itself, it went all mad on Sunday night!
To siesta now for a bit, if all the thunder doesn`t keep me awake!
Time for some calming classical........

S x

Sunday, Sunday! Fucking Sunday!

hello.

Off work this weekend, but it was all fairly dull apart from Saturday afternoon when i went cd shopping in Ealing and other places locally. I also acted as `personal shopper` for Cornelio and aquired a few things for him that would be hard to find in Hungary or terrifically expensive there...i really enjoyed it actually, darting about shop to shop and texting C to find out if he wanted this cd or that one. So, I bought -

Black `Wonderful Life`
Mahler `Symphonic Excerpts`
Nina Persson/David Arnold `Theme from Randall and Hopkirk deceased`
The Associates `Sulk`
The Associates `Forth drawer down`
Beautiful people `If 60`s were 90`s`
Various (Britpop) `Shine 8`
Japan `In vogue`
Human League `Dare`
The Posies `Frosting on the beater`
dEUS `No more loud music - the singles`
Eurythmics `Revenge/Savage (such a fine album!)/Peace` - 3 pack cd for only 8.99!!
Pulp `This is hardcore` - an absolute fave that i only had on tape!

some of these are things i have on tape or have been taped for so it`s nice to have them on cd for meself!

and on behalf of Cornelio -

Eurythmics `Right by your side` 12 inch
Everything but the girl `Temperamental`
Everything but the girl `Eden`

Such fun, fun, fun!

Today i chatted with C, Legushka and Vanessa on MSN messenger for ages and giggled lots. They are all mad and wonderful! If only we could all live together in a commune and laugh forever.....
After i shared a coffee and chat with my flatmate and went off to visit my father, dropping in to see my friend Carol on the way. It took ages to get to Southall on the bus where my Dad lives `cos there was some sort of celebratory thing going on in Southall and the traffic was deadly. I seem to be having a bad public transport weekend! Yesterday i missed out on an hours worth of cd shopping `cos the Piccadilly line was down again due to engineering works and had to get a bus instead - that took AGES! What utter crap the London tansport system is!
Didn`t spend too long with Dad, he always manages to pick an argument of some sort and when he comes out with his usual ignorant racist stuff i want to strangle him! So i cut and ran (in a taxi, 9 bloody quid!), making off with my goodies for C and my chair for this laptop ...`cos it hurts my knees to much kneeling all the bloody time!
No shag as usual this weekend! Had one message on gaydar - from an `undesirbale` person. I know i am fussy, but hey...i have me standards! Went to the Russell yesterday(local gay bar - the only local gay bar!), in the vain hope that somebody of interest might appear BUT NAH! The same ole` same ole` crew all blathering on about the usual shite (Kylie/Will Young/Beckham)..o do please fuck off and get a brain and some bloody taste!! Me bitter? Never!! ;-)
So there we go, another slice of cheeriness for u to eat up!
Work tommorrow, sleep in so i don`t start til 3, but am stuck there `til 1.30 Tuesday. Still, think of the money!
Still have the idea of returning to live in Budapest at the back of my mind.......hmmmm

x`s
Steve


xx`s

Steve

Erk x 2!

hello AGAIN!

Of course now that i have written the message below it now starts behaving normally!
O fuckadoodledoo!

xx

S

Erk??

Now for some bloody reason i CANNOT work out my latest Blog has been posted as March 6th...so if u wanna see the latest posting u will have to scroll all the way to the bottom of the page!! BIZARRE!
I am listening to Mahler to calm me down after trying (very!) to bring it back to the top of the page....hmmmm, also for another odd reason my mobile is displaying the date as March 13th all of a sudden! WHAT is occuring!!??!!
SEE U AT THE BOTTOM...yes, just scroll down `til i work out how to fix......

xx

Steve

How sucketh London..a story in a million parts..

Well what can i say? London...or rather the small bit of the west of it that i inhabit does! I have learnt after returning from living abroad for a few yrs, then returning to it and then `holidaying` back where i used to live (Polska/Hungary) over the last 1.5 yrs, that London actually does suck in the extreme!
It`s hideously expensive, not very friendly, far too big and if u do not earn vast amounts of cash is totally unaffordable - unless u wish to live a hermits life or r in a fabulous relationship, two things that i seem destined not to have!
I just spent 1 and a bit weeks in my `2nd home`, Budapest. I enjoyed being there so very much. This wasn`t just down to dear friends and lovers....(Chris, Doug, Jac`s and esp` Cornelio.... u all know who u r!), i seem to have a very real affinity with this place and always feel comfortable there. It`s beautiful and i just relish being there.

SHOULD I MOVE BACK?

HELP ME GUYS????!!!!

I think i would like to........

I cannot stand where i am at the moment, i would much rather lose a bit of money and be a bit more happy and a bit less lonely.....o dear i can be a glum old bugger....but there it is..
On a more positive note - My dear darling boy Cornelio has helped me yet again by linking me up (see right side of me BLOG), with lots of fab links that i love...I am just not yet the techno beast i wish to be. Cheers C, ur a love......and he is!

xx`s

Steve